This is still me ❤️

I start this post 35000 feet in the air (that’s just a guess, I'm not entirely sure how high we are, but that sounds about right) the night before we went away, the house felt so empty, despite having four people in it, the absence of Toby who is safely on his own holiday is like a big gaping hole in the house and I hate it. Still hormonal, I somehow managed not to cry, even when I see a video of a dog born looking surprised I almost cried, but I managed to control my emotions and sleep soundly. At 5 am I was up and feeling surprisingly calm (calm for me, which is probably not that calm) The boys have been so excited. It’s hard to feel anything but happy when you are in the company of such good energy. We had a stress-free journey to the airport and the most worrying thing that happened in my head was wondering if I would fit in the seat on the plane (I swear they looked smaller) I fit with ease and settled in for the long-haul flight. Safely ensconced in my seat and the air

On the plus side, I've noticed that I have started looking forward to my nights out again. Before the pandemic, I went out a lot. Working in the city it was perfectly normal to go to the pub at lunch or after work, when the weekends came, I preferred being at home as I'd been out all week. Going out was such an everyday thing, it wasn't really fun anymore and when a big birthday event came along, I didn't look forward to It. Now, I tend to do my going out at the weekends like a normal person and I have started to look forward to those nights out again, I can think about what I'm going to wear and spend some time getting ready. On Saturday, I woke up at 7 am, excited for a morning to chill out. I sat down and looked at my calendar. 9 am - Intervals. Oh, bugger. I'm doing cardio today. My brain starts to make excuses but I ignore them. It's happening. I'm doing it. No excuses. And I did. Did I enjoy it? Absolutely not. I couldn't find my sports br

My week in a rather large nutshell Friday brings PMS. Joy. A recent symptom it has decided to bestow upon me is sore, swollen gums as well as all the usual delightful things. I also had a dream that I went back to my old job it was more of a nightmare, I woke up in a cold sweat. I was a bit rattled by the uncharacteristic negativity I was feeling, but I was determined to push through. I got up, made myself a cup of tea, did some meditation, did my morning reflection, read my daily stoic & set my intentions for the day, but I wasn't feeling my usual sense of satisfaction. It was annoying me. The ring doorbell jangled to let me know someone was approaching our front door, the annoyance that hadn't yet subsided, racing back to the surface, when I realised who it was. Charity Bag Man. After lockdown, when clearly I didn't have enough to moan about, I decided to order a no junk mail sticker for my letterbox. Junk mail never bothered me before, but I developed a passion

It had a surprising outcome We're halfway through the week! These days, I'm not sure if it's something to celebrate, as time seems to be moving far too fast. At the weekend, I hit a bit of a wall. I felt like I had very little positivity left in my tank and it really irked me. I spent far too much time thinking of ways to replenish the sunny disposition I have come to enjoy. The more I floundered, the more upset and frustrated I was getting until I stopped and asked myself, why I was clambering so desperately to feel happy? Apart from the obvious fact that feeling low is rubbish and that I have a fear that anytime I start to feel crap my depression is coming back, I realised that without these miserable, low moments, I would not feel the giddy heights of happiness that I feel and I certainly wouldn't appreciate them as much as I do now. So, I decided that rather than spend all my energy fighting with my feelings, I would embrace my Britishness and keep calm and ca