Skip to main content

Communication Calamity

Today is a new day. Thank God. After yesterday's post, a good friend gave me her honest opinion of the situation with my boyfriend and I realised that he is not totally to blame and I am certainly not blameless. One of my best skills at work is communication, I have to deal with a lot of different people and always get good feedback on my communication skills. I also like to think I'm good at this with friends as well, I'm good at staying in touch with people and rarely fall out with people, so why am I so terrible at it in my relationship? After yesterday barely speaking all day I was still frustrated and angry. I had plans to meet a friend for dinner and he was playing football. I wasn't planning on drinking as I wanted to be healthy and also because I was so annoyed, but this was also the reason that I wanted to drink. I wanted to get away from the angry tearful feeling, so I went to lunch with a friend and had a couple of glasses of red. Ooh that felt better. Mistake No. 1. Mistake No. 2 came later when I decided to continue with the ridiculous idea to have share more wine with my friend, I thought I was ok. I couldn't have been more wrong. I got home just before my boyfriend, it wasn't even late, I kicked off. I'll be completely honest with you, it was a blur, I couldn't tell you half the things I said, what I do know is they were said in anger, I was in a rage I have not felt for a long time, it was most definately not a welcome feeling, this was the thing I had battled so hard to get rid of, why had it come back!!! Eff Off!!!! I don't know if anyone has ever had this, but its like being possessed, its a rage so great your whole body feels tense and you things come out of your mouth that you're not even thinking, or at least you were not aware you are. Its a horrible feeling and an even more horrible thing for someone else to be on the receiving end of. It ended with me in a heap on the floor in uncontrollable tears, apologising to my poor boyfriend. I cannot describe how ashamed and upset I am about all of this. I feel like I have failed, not only myself but him as well. I was doing so so well. After a good nights sleep and then finally having a conversation with me explaining myself properly and not raising my voice (I don't even realise I am doing this half the time) I feel like we have progressed slightly. My friend had read yesterdays blog and messaged me a very long message, which I am so grateful for, she was completely honest and didn't try to sugarcoat anything and it was just what I needed. I realised as I was replying to her message, that if I could just have explained all this to my boyfriend the way I was explaining to her, then none of this would have happened! So that's exactly what I did, I sent him a long message, explaining myself, clearly and in a friendly non-accusing, non-aggressive way, pointing out that I was now aware that I clearly have trouble communicating with him and that I would work on this and also that I would make more effort at the weekends when we have the children and not just go off in a sulk. I also said that I hadn't been feeling myself over the last week and that perhaps it was the after effects of the alcohol. So, to sum up, alcohol is now going to be kept to a minimum and for nights out and absolutely not when I am in a crappy frame of mind. More effort to be made to communicate better and involve myself more at weekends with the children. I'm going to sleep bloody well tonight!



Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Is Success The Thing That Scares Us? Or Is It Failure We Really Fear?

Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm. - Winston Churchill If you fear failure, the above quote from Winston Churchill can be seen as comforting, failing at something can be a huge blow to our egos. But what if you aren't scared to fail? What if succeeding is the thing that scares you most? Failure is something that some of us are quite prepared for. Before we've even set out to do something, that voice in your head is already saying "it probably won't work out". We often prepare ourselves for the worst outcome to protect our fragile egos. If we fail, things will stay as they are and whether we are happy with our current situation or not, it is a lot easier to stay in a familiar situation. Of course, we don't want to fail, we'll feel rubbish about it, sometimes it means we can't do the things we had hoped for at the time, but ultimately, nothing has changed, and we can usually fall back into our old routin...
Post a Comment
Read more

5 Articles On Medium To Help You Accomplish Your Goals

This is my 700th post on Medium 🥳 I think I’ve come a long way since my first post Welcome To My Blog In yesterdays post, I shared 5 Steps To Setting Goals & Some Useful Tools & Tips Here are 5 articles I found on Medium that also provide some useful information around goal setting In the post What Do You Want? from Gustavo Gallina, we are reminded; “Dreams should be pursued. Set objectives and strive toward them.” In 3 Ways To Make Habits Stick Sobaan Saeed, also talks about failure “You’re gonna fail, you’re gonna screw up but if you show up with that positive attitude every day and just keep trying to do better that’s really all you can ask of yourself.” Daria Haller talks about self discipline in 8 Brilliant Ways To Master Your Self Discipline “don’t forget to reward yourself for your accomplishments.” Eve Arnold makes some great points in the article Why Trading Your Life Hack Mindset For Mindful Productivity Means You Wake Up Happier “Mindful prod...
Post a Comment
Read more

5 Articles on Medium That Helped Me Overcome Self Doubt

If you read yesterday's article , you’ll know that I’m back from holiday and rather than being full of self-assurance, I'm battling with self-doubt. Yesterday morning, I begrudgingly got out of bed, looked through my to-do list and very quickly decided it was going to be another slow day, reminding myself that it was perfectly ok, although I wasn’t entirely convinced. I decide to read some articles on medium, which I find to be much better for my mind than scrolling through Tik Tok (which I did for the first time this week for longer than I care to admit!) I’m so thankful I did. I came across Alex Mather’s article If you work for yourself and have self-doubt read this “emotions of doubt, are based not on reality, but on our thoughts.” Yes! Everything swimming through my head was all about a failure that hadn’t yet happened, after all, how can you fail at getting work as a writer when you haven’t even submitted any work or made any applications?? Calley Overtons artic...
Post a Comment
Read more