Skip to main content

Misery does not love company

I've fallen down a slippery slope and completely lost my mojo. I am now in a vicious cycle of having good intentions, treating myself, hating myself and then feeling guilty about anything & everything. What a time to be alive. I was doing so well on my plan but I seem to have lost my get up and go. I'm not sure if it's because I am coming off of my tablets, because I am tired or because I am still unable to fully avoid booze. I feel great when I exercise and eat well but for some reason it's not enough to keep me going at the moment, I took Saturday off of the plan as we were out for the day and one day off has now turned into 4. God damn you bank holiday weekend! I woke up on Sunday feeling depressed, I didn't want to go anywhere, I didnt want to see anyone, I just wanted to shut myself away BUT this does not include my boyfriend, why can't he get this? Why does he not telepathically know that I need him to just come check on me every now and then, instead of avoiding me as if I am some unexploded time bomb. I decided to have a bit of a pamper and declutter my bedroom, as we had the kids and I didn't have the patience for dealing with whose go it was on the computer or who pushed who. I want them to like me and at the time I think I would have just thrown the computer out of the window to settle any arguments, then no one would like me. My boyfriend getting ready in lightening speed, in my head this was to avoid me, but in actual fact he was running late, I decided I didn't actually want to stay in on my own, I wanted to go with them to his parents, sitting in all day alone wasnt going to lift my mood. I went and had a nice day, but this resulted in more drinking and me going home alone crying myself to sleep for no apparent reason. The following day all I wanted was some peace and quiet, I need a day to just collect myself and get my house in order so that I could go back to work without feeling like I had a thousand things to do. Unfortunately, this wasnt going to happen. The entire weekends washing up was still on the side in the kitchen and the laundry basket was overflowing but I just can't get anything done when the kids are in the house and with the weather against me I had no choice but to resign to my bedroom whilst they all played the computer and watched wrestling downstairs, I wasnt in the mood to compromise today. I finally went down to cook them all dinner and give in to a glass of wine. It helped, until this morning when I felt even worse. I've had a moan to a few of my friends and have cancelled my plans for the evening so I can literally get my house in order and start again tomorrow. Hopefully the black cloud will piss off and my mojo will return.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

5 Things I’ve Seen & Heard This Week Including A Way To Earn As You Spend & An Exciting Crime Series

Being on holiday has given me plenty of time to read, listen and watch things and I write this very post as I lounge around the hotel pool. If you would like to watch fairytale for adults I rewatched Collateral Beauty on the plane. Will Smith plays Howard, a man broken by a personal tragedy. He spends his time writing letters time, death & love, whilst his concerned friends, played by the brilliant Ed Norton & Kate Winslet, try in vain to help him recover. It is a beautiful and moving story, something we all need to see. If you want to listen to the new Luther Vandross I put my name down for karaoke on holiday thinking I might sound ok amongst the usual candidates. Then Sterling got up. This man sounds just like Luther Vandross! We were chatting to him and he has entered several singing contests such as Pop Idol & X Factor but for some unknown reason, he didn't get through! If you want to earn money whilst you spend it Use TopCashback . I use this whenever ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Wobbling on the wagon

The dentist has a lot to answer for. Not only was it a traumatising situation, it also led me to fall off my health wagon. As you know, I treated myself to a sausage baguette yesterday (maybe I said roll before, lets just call it a "baton") The fun didnt stop there, I had an omelette for lunch, as per the #leanin15 cookbook, then went onto five pieces of fudge, four jaffa cakes and several ritz crackers. This episode of bingeing exhausted me and I fell asleep, whilst watching a B horror movie. I then woke up just before the boyfriend got home, cooked him pork chops with creamy greens (and a secret side of mash potato, whcih I wasnt supposed to have. Sleeping is apparently not cardio)  A while later I have sucumbed to several heaped teaspoons of Nutella, this was not going well.
I felt groggy and sluggish, this must be all the wine I drank the previous night, damn those grapes!!! I am now avoiding wine. 14 hours later, I meet a friend for lunch and ordered a bottle of sav bl...
Post a Comment
Read more

My intentions for the coming week

It was a busy week for me last week. I spent the first part of the week fretting about what I had to do at the end of the week. When Saturday arrived and I had some free time again, I was exhausted and could not seem to move. The week ahead I intend to plan better; next weekend is my birthday, so I have plenty to look forward to. After that, I will be focusing all my energy on paying off my remaining debt, which means less time to go out, which is actually a good thing for me, since this will allow me to spend more time writing. This week we will have more painting done in the house, so once again the house will be upside down. I know this affects me mentally, so I need to put things in place that will help. Thankfully, I have my sanctuary to retreat to and we will be able to sleep in our own bed this time! In the last week, I let my writing slide and took a couple of days off from blogging, so I'm putting in an hour each weekday this week to write, so when Friday gets here I...
Post a Comment
Read more