Happy New Year! I’m back.

I thought that the start of 2019 would be the perfect time to write my first blog post for some time. Last year started off so well, I was focused, happy and really excited about getting married. Unfortunately there were some extremely stressful events where I truly struggled and eventually, about a month ago, I went to the doctor who confirmed what I dreaded, he told me I had depression again and that he would prescribe me anti depressants. I have nothing against taking them, they helped me so much before, but I couldn't help feeling like a failure. Why is it that others can go through the same experiences and not get depressed or anxious? Of course I know that it's a chemical imbalance rather than the incidents themselves, I have also realised that stress is my trigger. I'm a stress head by nature but the first time I was on anti depressants I was going through a messy divorce and this year I've had a new job, a family death & a wedding all in the first 5 months of 2018. With that in mind, I have decided to go easier on myself and start this year as I mean to go on. 2019 is going to be all about self care for me. My husband and I are currently on holiday and I always find that during these breaks, it's a great time to reflect. I spent December eating and drinking ridiculous amounts with hardly any down time, I stopped going to the gym and when I wasn't in a bar or restaurant I was at my desk or in bed. The weekend before Christmas when I finally had a moments rest I came down with a horrible cold, my body was not happy with how I'd been treating it. So this year, I don't have the excuse of weddings or hen do's but what I do have is a goal, a two week holiday to celebrate our first wedding anniversary in May. This gives me exactly 20 weeks to accomplish the weight loss I've been wanting for so long! I'm also going to pick up my Law of Attraction planner again, which fell by the wayside in November, to help me focus and also motivate me. I want to pick up my writing again, I'll be documenting my journey (once again) this time I won't be following a diet such as lean in 15, slimming World or Weight Watchers, they just didn't work for me. I'm going to go with good old fashioned healthy eating & exercise and making sure I log everything I eat, which a lot of people credit their success to. I also want to spend more time cooking, I do really enjoy cooking and love trying new recipes and this way I ensure that I'm eating better foods. I want to get back to practising gratitude and keeping a diary, both things help so much with my mental health, but it's these things that I put off when I am feeling low, preferring to either do nothing and laze around or drink to forget both of which make things worse. It's finally nice to feel positive about life again! Long may it continue!