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Taking the leap?

I normally like to share something I have found inspiring on Instagram for a bit of Monday motivation, but as I sit here at 5am in the dark, unable to get back to sleep because “someone” was snoring next to my ear, I thought I would share some of my own thoughts instead. At the moment, I am in a bit of limbo. My current job has hugely affected my mental health, so much so, that I have needed to take some time out. The stress of even doing this manifested in my body and I was stuck in bed for over a week. It has taken me a few weeks to realise and accept that I can no longer work for this company and I need to find something else but before I do this, I need to heal my body and mind from this stress. Some of you may remember I had to take time out from the same company a couple of years ago for the very same reason. The difference is, last time in addition to the stress, I was also severely depressed. I had no real motivation and certainly did not have the mental strength to contemplate changing jobs, that would have been too much. This time, I am much stronger mentally and aware of the the things I need to have in place to get myself better, I am also going to take this time really think about my next moves in life. Is this really the job I want to be doing? Whilst I was working, there seemed hardly any space to breathe, when I wasn’t working, I was thinking about work, it was affecting my sleep and my relationships but I was in so deep, I couldn’t see it. Having some time and space from work has given me perspective and I can now see that it no longer serves me, not only that company but perhaps the industry and maybe even the job itself. Of course we all daydream about what we would love to be doing, but is there any real reason I shouldn’t be seriously considering changing my career? I’m not going to lie, I am scared to death just thinking about it! I am 40 years old, can I make such a drastic change? What about finances? Can I earn the same money? Do I need to? What if I make a mistake and end up worse off? What if it affects our chances of moving to a new house? What if I regret it? At least once a day, thoughts like these go round in my head. For the first few weeks I was honestly so anxious. I discussed this in my counselling sessions, I let it all out, even the stuff that seemed trivial and now I have turned it around in my mind, now I am challenging those thoughts. What if I don’t make a drastic change? Do I want to feel like this forever? I am not the same person I was when I started this job. I have earned less money before and survived. It will mean cutting back on things but do those things really matter? If worse off means less money but better mental health, am I really worse off or making a mistake? You can’t put a price on happiness. If it affects us getting a new house, I won’t be homeless, we have a house. If I regret it and decide a change is not for me, there is nothing stopping me going back to what I am already doing. What if I regret not doing it? I may not even have to worry about all those things, I may get another job for the same money at a better company and be genuinely happy, but I feel that whilst I am taking this time to heal, I should explore all my options, it’s a unique opportunity I have to really think about what would make me truly happy. Because we all deserve to be happy, why should we settle for anything less? I have a lovely Monday planned, I am seeing Zoe this morning to get my eyelashes done and she is the queen of positivity, that will be a great start to my week. I will then be going for an Indian head massage, total relaxation! This afternoon, I have blocked out a few hours for writing, I am going to take myself up to my little sanctuary, put my phone on do not disturb and I am going to let the words flow. You don’t know if you don’t try right? Have a great Monday 💖

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