Monday Meh

On Mondays, I like to start the week by posting something inspiring to set the right tone for the coming week, however, if I did that today, I would be bullshitting you if I said I had started my day off like that. The last couple of days I have been really irritated for no reason, my house is upside down, our bedroom furniture is everywhere from the decorators being in and we have been sleeping in the boys bunk beds. If I am honest, I have felt out of sorts for the last week or so and I just want it to fuck right off. This morning, I had planned to start doing the S.A.V.E.R.S. but when I woke up (on the bottom bunk surrounded by crap) all I wanted to do was have a cup of tea and plonk myself in front of the TV for a bit. I felt groggy, like I had a hangover, but I hadn't had any alcohol since Friday. I wasn't even trying to kid myself and say I would sit in front of the TV for an hour and do it after, I just didn't want to do it. I could not be bothered. What a great start to my week. I went to the besties to pick up a carpet cleaner I was borrowing, the husband wanted to clean the carpet in our room before we put all the furniture in. After collecting that, I went to B&M for some carpet cleaning solution, which was nowhere to be found, I went to ask a member of staff and then saw the queue and noped out of there in favour of a giant sainsburys up the road, they would have what I need. I was driving along, when some absolute twat in a van decided to indicate at the same time as trying to pull into my lane, he clearly hadn't checked his mirrors and he almost hit me. For once, I didn't have full road rage but he certainly did, tooting his horn, hanging his head out of the window shouting obscenities and shaking his fist at me. I was FURIOUS. How dare he! Would he be so big and brave if I had a man sat in my car? I turned right round in my seat as we waited for the traffic lights to changed and stared straight at him and pointed to my eyes "LOOK NEXT TIME YOU MUG" My enunciation prounounced so he could understand me clearly. I was so angry, but my anger started to turn to fear when it looked like he was following me, I made a mental note of his number plate just in case he was going to murder me. When it really looked like he was pulling into Sainsburys behind me, I started to feel angry again, who the f*ck does he think he is? If he comes anywhere near me I am going to let rip at him, fortunately, he went into the Sainsburys Petrol station. After about 10 minutes of doing lengths and widths of Sainsburys, I finally found some carpet cleaning solution, which may I add, was not in the cleaning section or the home section. I walked back to the car, armed with carpet cleaning solution to throw over road rage twat if he jumped out on me. By the time I got home, I was in punch or cry mode. I chose the latter, after eating the crumpets the husband made me, I had a little cry (priorities) There is so much swimming around in my head this morning and I just don't know how to deal with all of it. Then I saw this from @moonomens and I realised, that I don't have to. I don't have to deal with ALL of the things in my head, not right this instant. Things won't always go as planned and I can't be in control of everything and everyone (I'm talking about you, road rage twat!) and that is ok. After all that, I actually completed my S.A.V.E.R.S. I came into the sanctuary and sat in Silence, ok I was crying, but it was silent crying. I took some deep breathes and told myself repeatedly that it was all going to be ok, so there was my Affirmations. I looked at my Vision Board and reminded myself of goals. I cleaned the carpet and the windows, which quite frankly was much more energetic that the walk I had planned. I read a chapter of The Miracle Morning. Then I completed my Happiness Journal and wrote this blog. I feel so much better. Don't worry if you can't do it all, it's only Monday. ❤️ #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #anxiety #depression #health #mentalillness #recovery #psychology #healing #mentalhealthmatters #life #happiness #stress #wellbeing #overwhelmed #awareness