This is still me ❤️

As you have probably gathered from my previous posts, I am now doing Slimming World. I won't refer to it as a diet, as in actual fact, I'm not being deprived of any food (or alcohol - and I think we can all agree I like a drink or 10) For those of you not familiar with Slimming World, here is the basic concept. All lean meat, most fish & seafood, fruit & vegetables are what is known as free food, you can have as much of this as you like, this also includes potatoes, pasta & eggs. Yes you read that correctly, as my Mum often said when she was giving me her slimming world sales pitch "you can eat a whole bag of potatoes if you like" but it's true (although I'm yet to try it) then you have what is known as healthy extras one list is made up of certain dairy products (milk & cheese) and the other is fibre (bread, crackers, cereals) you are to have one from each list per day. Then all other food is given a "syn" value for example a large g...

Today marks a year since I wrote my first blog here. Yay! A lot has happened since then, diet & exercise regimes have come and gone along with a couple of "friends" but the most notable thing is my mental health. This time last year I was on anti depressants wondering if I would ever be able to come off them, then I did and spent quite a bit of time thinking should I go back on them and finally, now I feel in a good place. I feel the most positive and happy me since god knows when. I am managing to stick to my resolutions and goals and am slowly learning how to actually look after myself without feeling selfish and its bloody great. I am starting to feel like I am getting my act together, I have a nice little routine in place at the beginning of each week I make a meal plan and order my shopping in, I put a plan to exercise in for a few mornings per week, although I don't stress about this too much as I do walk for 3 miles as part of my commute to work. I've set u...

Happy New Year everyone! I have to say, at the risk of sounding like a complete killjoy, I am glad it's all over. I am not going to write about the things I thought I was going to write about, such as how I have gone from being Mrs Christmas to Scrooge, or how I keep having very bizarre, vivid dreams. Nope, I am going to wipe the slate clean and look forward, instead of back. So I admit it, I am one of those New Year, New Me people this year. I have set my goals for the year so I thought I would share them with you. Lose weight Oh yes, everybodys favourite! Since meeting my boyfriend I have put on over 2 stone and it really gets to me. This year however, I have a huge incentive. I'm getting married!! Although I have ordered my dress and it looks lovely as I am now, I am not happy with the way I am. I don't want to go out as much anymore as I never feel nice in my clothes and I hate shopping as it is, but the awful feeling of trying stuff on and it's too tight or just lo...

I haven't been on here for a while, a combination of wedding stuff, work and being generally fed up. I recently had a conversation with my boyfriend about depression and the only way I could describe it is like this. There is this hole, it's always there, most days I'm sitting on the edge of the hole with my legs dangled in, the whole point of every single day is to not fall into it and it's not as easy and you would think. Some days I am in the hole with my arms trying to hold myself up, these days are quite exhausting and I have to fight so hard not to fall, I get into a panic because I really don't want to be in the hole. Other days I am dancing around the hole and some days I can barely see it, but its always there. Then, there is the inevitable day when my arms give up and I fall in, these are the worst days, there is no ladder in the hole, I know I will eventually get out but my mind is so clouded in panic or sadness that it seems impossible, nothing is goo...

I've noticed something about my anxiety, which in turn brings Barry back. It seems to return when I have a lot going on or stress happening in my life. Thinking about it now, it's hardly a revelation, but previously I'd been so caught up in my thoughts that I hadn't realised, I had thought my anxiety was permanent, now I realise I can control it (yay) Take this week for example, I am currently an agony aunt to about 3 different people, which I love as I love being there for my friends. My boyfriends ex is being a total pain and using the children as weapons again, one of his close family members is going through a break up and one of his friends has some mental health issues, we're going away for the weekend with the kids which is always quite stressful trying to get packed etc as we always end up arguing and to top it all off I am struggling to stay on plan. I woke up the early hours on Wednesday morning to thunder & lightening and then couldn't get back t...

After a very busy summer, autumn is upon us. There have been weddings, holidays, a witch (crazy ex girlfriend) weekend trips and another leg injury. I have also decided to join slimming world as I was unfortunately finding the 90 day plan unsustainable, I love Joe but it just wasnt working for me. Slimming world however has seen me lose 5lb in 4 weeks, although I did put 2lb back on after a little trip to paris, but that's a given. As the shorter days and darker nights are creeping in, so is something else, my insecurities. I am becoming increasingly insecure and needy and I absolutely bloody despise it, which doesn't really help me feel any better about myself, it just gets added to the long list of "things I don't like about me" Take this weekend for example, my boyfriend went on his annual golf trip, he's been every year since before we met and I was actually looking forward to having the house to myself. I had arranged for some friends to come over on th...

I haven't been on here for a while, what with a busy calendar, the last month or so has been a bit of a blur, which sadly hindered my 90 day plan further. As you have probably already seen, since starting the plan back in March, I have torn a calf muscle, had the flu and several colds, had a birthday, had a weekend away, come off of my anti depressants, had my best friends hen do, had my brothers wedding and then my best friends hen weekend. I just couldn't get a hold of it and felt something was always getting in my way. I bodged my way through cycle two, just, then got my cycle three plan only to decide that I want to start the whole thing again and this time I'm going to really give it my all. I finally have my mojo back after all this time and more importantly, I feel ready. Pretty sure having one month until my best friends wedding is also helping too. I've got my life coach friend onto the books so its nice to have someone to obsess about the plan with. We also w...