Bringing My Dream To Life

There’s no stopping me I am so thankful that I don't have a 9–5 job at the moment. I can’t say I’m not working, as writing has taken over my life and I love it. I am constantly brainstorming new content ideas and I spend most of my days, writing, planning what to write and researching. It’s my dream career. I was quite sad to have a busy weekend to take me away from it. We had a family bbq at my brothers on Thursday, my parents, my other brother and his family were staying at the same hotel as us, so we had a few drinks in the pub next door when we got back. One of the members of staff was so rude! Berating us because we hadn’t booked a table, despite only two tables being occupied. We weren’t expecting to be going and were just going in on the off chance if there hadn’t been tables available, we would have gone elsewhere. He continued to be rude and snippy to us throughout the evening and in the end, my dad told him about himself. He was fine after that. Incidentally, the place was empty all night I woke up on Friday feeling like a zombie, it didn’t help that we had a 90-minute drive home and then another bbq to go to! I decided I would drive. If I felt like this today, I certainly didn’t want to feel worse tomorrow. On Saturday, we headed to bbq number 3 just after lunchtime. I felt much more ready for it today and had a great afternoon. We came home and got a takeaway and I went to bed, happy with the knowledge I didn’t need to leave the house tomorrow or eat another sausage! My happiness was short-lived. I woke up on Sunday feeling low, these emotional hangovers have become the norm if I dare to go out more than once in a few days, so even though I half expected it, it was still pretty horrible. I decided to clean and tidy the house to distract my mind.

It worked, so I had a bath, wrote my newsletter for the following day, topped up my bird feeder and snuggled up with Toby, at the risk of sounding like an old granny, it sounds like a perfect day for me. On Monday, I was looking forward to going for a facial. I had done my morning meditation this time, so instead of anxiety and worries swimming around my head as I lay there, it was ideas for content. I could fully enjoy and relax. Tuesday brought more pampering as I went to have my lashes done. I came home and sat down to write an article which I have been wanting to write for some time and something I would like to submit for publication when it’s ready. After I while I began to feel quite upset. Writing this article, along with rewriting old posts from my past makes me realise how much more resilient I am, but it also stirs up a lot of emotion and pain, not just mentally but the physical sensations as well. I decided to close my laptop and take myself into the garden for some fresh air. I would have to come back to that another day. Thankfully, I had a counselling session booked for the following morning. I used to be apprehensive about talking about my pain and emotion before I went to a session, but now I go through it in my head beforehand and try to work it out and then talk it out with my therapist. I am positive that once I have dealt with the issues from my past, I will find it easier to deal with things that come up in the future. On Thursday I woke up feeling unusually confident, about nothing in particular, I just felt like I could do anything. It’s such an unfamiliar feeling to me and it got me thinking how nice it was to feel so, I guess the right word is free. I know that I do have to earn a wage, now that my final pay will run out soon, but I am thinking maybe, just maybe, I could do this for a living. Watch this space.