This is still me ❤️

Why haven't I learned my lesson? Last Friday morning, whilst scrolling through my phone, I was thinking about what a crappy year a lot of people were having. 2022 seemed to have brought some terrible luck for some. I then began to reflect on my 2022 and realised that a lot of pretty shit stuff happened in my life too. Why wasn't I feeling miserable? I thought more about this. There have been some extremely low times this year, but my ability to bounce back from these has reached a strength I never thought possible for me. I am not trying to make out that I am some serene, zen, being; I still have my moments, but even how I view those are different. When bad times come, I still get upset, I show my emotions, I shout, I scream, I cry for as long as I need to, but somehow, deep down, I am safe in the knowledge that things will get better and knowing that is like my lifeboat, something for me to swim towards when I am drowning in those choppy waters. On Saturday, the husband

It had a surprising outcome We're halfway through the week! These days, I'm not sure if it's something to celebrate, as time seems to be moving far too fast. At the weekend, I hit a bit of a wall. I felt like I had very little positivity left in my tank and it really irked me. I spent far too much time thinking of ways to replenish the sunny disposition I have come to enjoy. The more I floundered, the more upset and frustrated I was getting until I stopped and asked myself, why I was clambering so desperately to feel happy? Apart from the obvious fact that feeling low is rubbish and that I have a fear that anytime I start to feel crap my depression is coming back, I realised that without these miserable, low moments, I would not feel the giddy heights of happiness that I feel and I certainly wouldn't appreciate them as much as I do now. So, I decided that rather than spend all my energy fighting with my feelings, I would embrace my Britishness and keep calm and ca

As always, I hope that someone may take comfort in these posts and realise that they are not alone. I originally started writing blog posts on WordPress back in 2017. I have finally imported everything over to Medium, which took a while! I am now in the process of reviewing the older posts and rewriting them, my writing has improved rather a lot since then! I’m still keeping all the original versions on WordPress for nostalgic reasons but I wanted to reshare some of those posts, This week, I want to share some posts about mental health and the start of my journey with anxiety. How I was diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder. How My Anxious Mind Affects My Self Esteem Want To Increase The Worrying In Your Mind? Get Divorced What Happens When Getting The Wrong Help Causes You More Worry

What went weSometimes the little things in life are the most important. It's been another tumultuous week, I don't know how I am feeling half the time and it's so confusing. Once again, stopping and reflecting on my week helps me to see the good things in my life. Spending time with my parents. Sometimes, when things aren't going as you expect them to, spending time with your parents can take the pain out of things. Knowing they will always be there and have my back can sometimes be all the comfort I need. Relaxing Massage I meditated before going to my massage, getting all of my woes and worries out of my head, leaving me to just enjoy an hour of escape. As much as we need to think things through, we also need times when we can just forget our troubles and relax. Taking small steps toward my goals The one thing I do have is my writing and I have been relentless this week in taking small steps each day to make some progress. I have taken myself completely out of my

The bigger picture I share what's been happening this week, my top 10 horror films, 20 things that make me happy and this brilliant post from @thirdeyethoughts Subscribe here

You can’t live a positive life with a negative mind. Today, I wasn’t feeling my best. Despite having good boundaries in place, the negative thoughts can still creep in. When this happens I have a list of go-to self-care activities and I thought I would share these with you. Meditation I always thought meditation was sitting crossed-legged on the floor and clearing your mind completely, which, quite frankly, feels impossible for me. I gave up trying to meditate for ages until it was explained to me that is not the case. The actual definition of meditation, according to Merriam-Webster, is: 1: to engage in contemplation or reflection. 2: to engage in mental exercise (such as concentration on one’s breathing or repetition of a mantra) for the purpose of reaching a heightened level of spiritual awareness Each morning, I make myself a cup of tea, set a timer for 10 minutes and sit in silence, letting my brain do what it wants to, which is usually worry, roll off my list of things

It is not your job to make others happy. I had never heard of the term “setting boundaries” until I started therapy, I certainly didn’t know what it meant. Yet I have found it a key part of my healing process. Why hadn’t I heard about this sooner? I will admit, that I can sometimes find setting boundaries difficult. I am a people pleaser, I want to keep everyone happy, unfortunately, this can cost me my happiness. Your peace should be your priority. This isn’t always going to sit well with others, but if someone is ok with you putting their happiness first at the expense of your own, maybe it’s time to question that relationship. We also need to be respectful of the boundaries others put in place. We all want different things and we all have different priorities in life, so whilst we may not understand the thoughts and feelings of others, we should still be respectful of them. Since I started setting boundaries in my life, I have experienced a dramatic improvement in my overall

A personal time capsule Last week, I wrote a post about the importance of self reflection . I hadn’t realised how much self reflection I have been doing, it is now as much a part of my day as brushing my teeth. One important thing to remember when self reflecting, is that you must guve yourself time and space to do this, writing daily reflections mindlessly and never actually thinking about them again, serves no purpose. I was excited to see that my first weekly challenge in my 6 Minute Diary, was to write an email to my future self for 6 months time, describing where I see my life at that point in time. There were two websites given where I could use to do this. I decided to go with Future Me, which I had heard already heard of, I thought I may have even wrote a letter to myself in the past. The idea is, that you write a letter to your future self, it can say whatever you want it to, you can even get ideas from the website. You then decide when would like to receive the letter

Will it be as bad as I think? Today, the husband and I celebrate our 4th Wedding Anniversary & things finally feel like they are settling back down again, after a hectic few weeks. Last Friday, I was sent into a bit of a panic. Toby was a bit sick in the morning, not usually a cause for concern as I have read that cats can be sick if they eat too quickly, but he seemed fine. A couple of hours later, he was sick again and by midday, he was barely lifting his head and was completely listless. I was quite worried now as there are lots of things that are toxic to cats and I didn't know if he had eaten anything he shouldn't have during the night. I decided to call the vet, who asked me to bring him in straight away. Toby got into his carrier without a struggle, which is unusual and he didn't make a sound on the journey, which is also unusual. He usually likes to loudly complain. The vet sees us straight away and he just sits there whilst she examines him, still quiet as a

Another week, another mood…or two I feel like my moods are a bit of Russian roulette at the moment. When will the gun go off? Last Friday, after an anxious week of worrying about the fact my contract had been pushed back a week, I decided to walk to my counselling session. I am well versed by now in self-care, but I am not well versed in the art of patience. I know doing some gentle exercise will help my mindset, but during my walk, I didn’t feel ecstatically after 5 minutes, so I spent the first part of the walk feeling pretty miserable, wishing I had just driven instead. During my walk, the first glimmer of light came about 15 minutes in when I saw this little patch of wildflowers growing by the side of the road. I hadn’t noticed it whilst driving and just seeing that, made me feel a little bit happier. Just as I was about 5 minutes from my session, the joy of flowers now forgotten, I got a text from my friend, I had referred her for a role on the same contract as me and she had

If you read my blog post last Thursday, you will know that I have bagged myself a new job. You may remember also remember that a couple of weeks ago, I posted about a prediction a Tarot reading I had in January which came true. Tanya also predicted my new job also, so as I started to write this post, I referred back to the reading and found that there were actually more correct predictions and things that now made sense. The high priestess card, which is all about learning about yourself, self exploration, self trust and learning lessons. I am aware of my triggers and should choose wisely which road to take. I have recently had a bit of an epiphany, about something that triggers me. Its pretty huge actually and something I am going to write an article about. Its something that for some reason has finally clicked and realisation has hit me, even though its been staring me in the face for some time. I now have this much more under control and am extremely aware of this and feel bet

Even after the love has gone. Part of my anxiety means that I cannot be late. This is such a major dilemma in my relationship, as my boyfriend has no concept of time whatsoever, often leaving home at the time he’s supposed to be somewhere, I on the other hand like to be at least 10 minutes early, I allow for traffic etc. If I am late it sends me into a meltdown and it's caused so many arguments between us. My punctuality went in my favour on the day I went to see the solicitor as I couldn’t bloody find it. I walked up and down the high street about 3 times before noticing it nestled between Lloyd’s Bank and the Pound Shop. I pressed the buzzer, no answer. Barry pops up in my head! “What if they have mixed up my appointment?” “What if he’s off sick today?” Arrrrrrgh. Luckily before I could respond to Barry or talk to myself in the high street, two people arrived at the door with coffee. “Hi, I have an appointment with David Beckham at 9 am” bless the girl for not even flinchi

Mental health is so confusing There are going to be a lot of acronyms flying around in this post, so please try to bear with me. So I had booked my lunchtime appointment with the CBT therapist (cognitive behavioural therapist) I was nervous and wasn’t sure what to expect. I had only told my boyfriend and the friend who had told me about CBT, I didn’t want anyone to know, I was quite embarrassed, I wasn’t mentally stable! The session was in an old fashioned building, hidden down a little side street in the City of London, I had to climb about 100 stairs, I was out of breath by the time I got to the first floor and all hot and flustered. I sat in the waiting area, half of me eager to rid myself of the craziness, the other half wanting to run out of the door and hide from it all. Then my therapist came out, she was lovely and put me at ease straight away. I explained that I thought I had OCD and why I thought that, I explained my temperament, the constant worrying and she told me th