This is still me ❤️

Some weeks I feel like my brain has been swapped out. They loan it to (or from) sane people for a couple of weeks. I’m not entirely sure at this point if I’m the borrower or lender. Some weeks, someone (mostly my husband) can do or say something and I’ll laugh. Other weeks (this week) I want to cry/scream/kill the nearest passer-by. The problem is, I’m on the mini pill. I haven’t had a period in 10 years, that’s been great but now I’m starting to wonder if it really is? I keep reading horror stories about what the pill does to you (ok these are random stories on the internet but still!) but this doesn’t give me a cycle so I don’t know where my hormones are at. I am, by nature, extremely impatient, when I say extremely, I mean to the extreme of extreme. I cannot tolerate slow walkers or drivers, being late, disorganisation and just waiting for anything in general. I am an absolute delight! My husband, on the other hand, is the extreme of the extreme, OPPOSITE! He dithers, he is never on...

It was 4:30am on a Wednesday morning and I was wide awake! It had been a hell of a week already and I was lying there having a word with myself. Weight loss hadn’t exactly been at the fore front of my mind over the last few days. I had a weekend away at a friends halfway across the country and almost got stranded in a blizzard on the 3 hour journey (which turned into four) I was definitely needing wine & food after that traumatising event! I had a lovely relaxing weekend and had a smooth journey home on Sunday, only to find out someone close to me had been taken into hospital at the weekend. I spent Monday visiting them, it was upsetting to see this once strong individual sat unable to do anything for themselves, I just wanted to pick them up and take them home! Luckily this was caught early and they are on the (slow) road to recovery with some amazing doctors and nurses tending to them. I thought I dealt with it pretty ok at the hospital but when I got home it started to sink in a...

What a different week to the last two weeks and not in a good way! I seem to have misplaced my mojo.I've found myself not sleeping properly, leading me to neglect my exercise regime, the lack of exercise left me more sluggish & then I was craving all the wrong food, which led to eating & drinking lots at the weekend. I did have the excuse of being a bit naughty as I was celebrating my best friends birthday on Saturday, however there was probably no need to warm myself up with so much wine on Friday or for the McDonald’s recovery lunch on Sunday! I have such a love hate relationship with Uber eats!! I spent the entire week kidding myself that I would "exercise when I get home from work" or "I'll exercise tomorrow" All of my enthusiasm seem to have disappeared and I missed it. I've made the not so shocking discovery that too much bread makes me feel, well like crap. I know this is common knowledge amongst pretty much everyone, but I REALLY noticed ...

Another week is upon us and even though last week didn’t exactly go as I’d hoped on the scales, rather than take myself off to McDonald’s for a consoling chicken select meal (with cheeseburger chaser obvs!) I stuck to my meal plan and it really paid off. Same excitement this Monday, but with a bit of trepidation, having been stung last week, I hopped on the scales and to my delight was greeted with a 4lb loss! Wahoo! I think I am finding doing things this way easier for a few reasons. 1. No foods are banned/points/syns. Everything is counted, as calories. I don’t doubt that points and syns actually work, in fact I’ve seen evidence through friends & family, but for me, that mentality doesn’t work. If I think I can’t have something, I want it even more! Worse still, if something is a “free food” I’ll eat too much of that. 2. I’ve mastered portion control. Ok it’s not a science, but usually, when I make dinner it's usually 7-8pm at night, I’ve eaten my last meal at 12pm so after 7...

For the first time in as long as I can remember, I woke up on Monday morning and was actually looking forward to weighing myself. I had been so good last week, stayed just under my suggested calorie intake given by MyFitnessPal, apart from one day where I went slightly over (balance right?) I only drank wine on Friday and had a couple of gin & slimlines on Saturday and remained alcohol free for the other 5 days of the week - this is good, for me! I had an Indian takeaway on Friday night, which I got up early on Friday morning and sweated for 30 minutes to earn some calories towards, then later on, I was rather drunk, thanks to the wine and after asking my husband 3 times what he wanted, I still ordered the wrong thing. I only ate half of my dinner before falling asleep on the sofa. I was tempted to eat it for breakfast on Saturday but this wasn’t in the meal plan I had written down so I binned it. Willpower! So back to Monday morning. I bounded downstairs and hopped on the scales...

We made it through the first week of January! I spent the first half of January on holiday, so forgive my late start, it's quite difficult to start a health regime when there is free food & booze a plenty! I did however, start my meal planning, organise an online food delivery for when I returned and cancel my gym membership all on New Years Day, so I was definitely in the right mindset. I know that cancelling the gym doesn’t sound like part of a good weight loss plan, but after looking at the new timetable, I found that the classes I loved were either at different times, which were inconvenient or were no longer at my gym so it seemed a waste of £102 per month. I have discovered the Nike Training Club app instead, ok I’m probably a bit late to the party on this one, but I’ve signed up to a free 6 week plan, exercising 2-3 times per week, this is in addition to the 40 minute walk I do 5 days per week as part of my commute. That alongside meal planning healthy meals I should hop...

I thought that the start of 2019 would be the perfect time to write my first blog post for some time. Last year started off so well, I was focused, happy and really excited about getting married. Unfortunately there were some extremely stressful events where I truly struggled and eventually, about a month ago, I went to the doctor who confirmed what I dreaded, he told me I had depression again and that he would prescribe me anti depressants. I have nothing against taking them, they helped me so much before, but I couldn't help feeling like a failure. Why is it that others can go through the same experiences and not get depressed or anxious? Of course I know that it's a chemical imbalance rather than the incidents themselves, I have also realised that stress is my trigger. I'm a stress head by nature but the first time I was on anti depressants I was going through a messy divorce and this year I've had a new job, a family death & a wedding all in the first 5 months ...