This is still me ❤️

I'm finally back in the good old UK. Sadly, not escaping the heat, but reunited with my little Tobes, who has barely left my side. I’ve been catching up on emails and TV so I’ve got lots of good stuff for you this week! If you're looking for a good horror film. After a horrific journey home, and some bothersome jet lag, The husband and I managed to make time to watch a film and it was a horror. Yay! I was surprisingly impressed with The Black Phone, which is about Finney & his sister Gwen, who live with their alcoholic father. There is a "grabber" going around, abducting young boys, two of which Finney knows and it isn't long before Finney himself is taken and locked in a soundproof room with a bed and a disconnected black phone, that occasionally rings..... It's got a great cast and I enjoyed the storyline, which gives us something a little different. If you're wondering why you're anxiety is through the roof Winter brings us snow & SAD

Last Thursday was our last full day in Florida and we were attempting something quite challenging. 3 Disney Theme parks in one day. We started at Disney Hollywood Studios. It has a 50’s style theme which I LOVED. I do love a bit of the old style of things if one. We went on the star wars rides as the husband and boys are big fans, they were good but one had a little drop which put me off going on the Tower of Terror and its 130ft drop. No Thank You. At 2:30 pm the queues were quite long and we wanted to get to the next park, Epcot. We boarded the cable cars which took us over some of the Disney resort hotels. I had no idea about any of these parks. Epcot has lots of little areas for places all around the world, Japan, Morocco, Italy, India, China, France, Germany and of course the UK, where the husband and I popped into the very authentic rose & crown pub for a pint and a Pimms. There weren’t so many rides there but we did go on a mission to Mars which was pretty impressive

Last Thursday, I spent an enjoyable day relaxing around the pool reading my latest book Hostage by Clare Macintosh. Probably not the best book to be reading when I have a 9-hour flight ahead of me next week but oh well. It was very good. In the evening, we had booked a Japanese tepanyaki restaurant for dinner and were heading to an Irish bar for drinks before. We do love an Irish bar and manage to find one on almost every holiday, it’s only a matter of time before Cuba and the Maldives get one! After a delicious dinner, we headed back to Murphy's bar and I was by now drunk enough to partake in some karaoke, I was shortly followed by a former pop idol & ex-factor applicant sterling, so if at any point, I had thought my singing was passable, I didn’t after that! The following day, I felt so ill! Was this food poisoning or just a hangover? I hadn’t drunk that much, no more than I had drank the weekend before I went away. I spent most of the morning feeling like I was on one

On the plus side, I've noticed that I have started looking forward to my nights out again. Before the pandemic, I went out a lot. Working in the city it was perfectly normal to go to the pub at lunch or after work, when the weekends came, I preferred being at home as I'd been out all week. Going out was such an everyday thing, it wasn't really fun anymore and when a big birthday event came along, I didn't look forward to It. Now, I tend to do my going out at the weekends like a normal person and I have started to look forward to those nights out again, I can think about what I'm going to wear and spend some time getting ready. On Saturday, I woke up at 7 am, excited for a morning to chill out. I sat down and looked at my calendar. 9 am - Intervals. Oh, bugger. I'm doing cardio today. My brain starts to make excuses but I ignore them. It's happening. I'm doing it. No excuses. And I did. Did I enjoy it? Absolutely not. I couldn't find my sports br

My week in a rather large nutshell Friday brings PMS. Joy. A recent symptom it has decided to bestow upon me is sore, swollen gums as well as all the usual delightful things. I also had a dream that I went back to my old job it was more of a nightmare, I woke up in a cold sweat. I was a bit rattled by the uncharacteristic negativity I was feeling, but I was determined to push through. I got up, made myself a cup of tea, did some meditation, did my morning reflection, read my daily stoic & set my intentions for the day, but I wasn't feeling my usual sense of satisfaction. It was annoying me. The ring doorbell jangled to let me know someone was approaching our front door, the annoyance that hadn't yet subsided, racing back to the surface, when I realised who it was. Charity Bag Man. After lockdown, when clearly I didn't have enough to moan about, I decided to order a no junk mail sticker for my letterbox. Junk mail never bothered me before, but I developed a passion

As always, I hope that someone may take comfort in these posts and realise that they are not alone. I originally started writing blog posts on WordPress back in 2017. I have finally imported everything over to Medium, which took a while! I am now in the process of reviewing the older posts and rewriting them, my writing has improved rather a lot since then! I’m still keeping all the original versions on WordPress for nostalgic reasons but I wanted to reshare some of those posts, This week, I want to share some posts about mental health and the start of my journey with anxiety. How I was diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder. How My Anxious Mind Affects My Self Esteem Want To Increase The Worrying In Your Mind? Get Divorced What Happens When Getting The Wrong Help Causes You More Worry

You can’t live a positive life with a negative mind. Today, I wasn’t feeling my best. Despite having good boundaries in place, the negative thoughts can still creep in. When this happens I have a list of go-to self-care activities and I thought I would share these with you. Meditation I always thought meditation was sitting crossed-legged on the floor and clearing your mind completely, which, quite frankly, feels impossible for me. I gave up trying to meditate for ages until it was explained to me that is not the case. The actual definition of meditation, according to Merriam-Webster, is: 1: to engage in contemplation or reflection. 2: to engage in mental exercise (such as concentration on one’s breathing or repetition of a mantra) for the purpose of reaching a heightened level of spiritual awareness Each morning, I make myself a cup of tea, set a timer for 10 minutes and sit in silence, letting my brain do what it wants to, which is usually worry, roll off my list of things

It is not your job to make others happy. I had never heard of the term “setting boundaries” until I started therapy, I certainly didn’t know what it meant. Yet I have found it a key part of my healing process. Why hadn’t I heard about this sooner? I will admit, that I can sometimes find setting boundaries difficult. I am a people pleaser, I want to keep everyone happy, unfortunately, this can cost me my happiness. Your peace should be your priority. This isn’t always going to sit well with others, but if someone is ok with you putting their happiness first at the expense of your own, maybe it’s time to question that relationship. We also need to be respectful of the boundaries others put in place. We all want different things and we all have different priorities in life, so whilst we may not understand the thoughts and feelings of others, we should still be respectful of them. Since I started setting boundaries in my life, I have experienced a dramatic improvement in my overall

Will it be as bad as I think? Today, the husband and I celebrate our 4th Wedding Anniversary & things finally feel like they are settling back down again, after a hectic few weeks. Last Friday, I was sent into a bit of a panic. Toby was a bit sick in the morning, not usually a cause for concern as I have read that cats can be sick if they eat too quickly, but he seemed fine. A couple of hours later, he was sick again and by midday, he was barely lifting his head and was completely listless. I was quite worried now as there are lots of things that are toxic to cats and I didn't know if he had eaten anything he shouldn't have during the night. I decided to call the vet, who asked me to bring him in straight away. Toby got into his carrier without a struggle, which is unusual and he didn't make a sound on the journey, which is also unusual. He usually likes to loudly complain. The vet sees us straight away and he just sits there whilst she examines him, still quiet as a

No one's perfect right? I posted this in my newsletter recently but I thought I would elaborate more, and provide the links to each book. If I had gone through a little bump in the road a year or so ago, I don't think I would be sat typing this article, I would most likely be in bed eating Chinese takeaway, followed by ice cream, buying untold shit online on my credit card, accumulating more debt. Whilst I give most of the credit to my amazing therapist, I have done some learning myself by reading (and listening to) various self-improvement books along the way. Here are some of my favourites: Not a diet book - James Smith Ahh, James Smith! I started following him on Instagram a fair few years ago and I have listed him at the top as he recommended quite a few of the books on this list. You may have seen him on TV with his no-nonsense approach to the diet industry. In this book, there is straight-talking advice on how to get fit physically and mentally. Having been on the die

Another week, another mood…or two I feel like my moods are a bit of Russian roulette at the moment. When will the gun go off? Last Friday, after an anxious week of worrying about the fact my contract had been pushed back a week, I decided to walk to my counselling session. I am well versed by now in self-care, but I am not well versed in the art of patience. I know doing some gentle exercise will help my mindset, but during my walk, I didn’t feel ecstatically after 5 minutes, so I spent the first part of the walk feeling pretty miserable, wishing I had just driven instead. During my walk, the first glimmer of light came about 15 minutes in when I saw this little patch of wildflowers growing by the side of the road. I hadn’t noticed it whilst driving and just seeing that, made me feel a little bit happier. Just as I was about 5 minutes from my session, the joy of flowers now forgotten, I got a text from my friend, I had referred her for a role on the same contract as me and she had

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Even after the love has gone. Part of my anxiety means that I cannot be late. This is such a major dilemma in my relationship, as my boyfriend has no concept of time whatsoever, often leaving home at the time he’s supposed to be somewhere, I on the other hand like to be at least 10 minutes early, I allow for traffic etc. If I am late it sends me into a meltdown and it's caused so many arguments between us. My punctuality went in my favour on the day I went to see the solicitor as I couldn’t bloody find it. I walked up and down the high street about 3 times before noticing it nestled between Lloyd’s Bank and the Pound Shop. I pressed the buzzer, no answer. Barry pops up in my head! “What if they have mixed up my appointment?” “What if he’s off sick today?” Arrrrrrgh. Luckily before I could respond to Barry or talk to myself in the high street, two people arrived at the door with coffee. “Hi, I have an appointment with David Beckham at 9 am” bless the girl for not even flinchi

The thing with anxiety is, that it’s always there, it’s never going away. The techniques I learned at my CBT sessions are great and do work, but you do have to work at it. I got a bit lazy. I finished the therapy in March, carried on doing the minimum (meditation etc) then there was a birthday and then we were off on holiday, great right? Not for Barry . I was feeling insecure, so instead of lying by the pool relaxing, I was comparing myself to everyone around the pool, thinking that my boyfriend probably wished I looked better. Why don’t I take care of myself more? All this whilst sipping several Pina Coladas I might add. I hated myself. All these negative thoughts I was having about myself were draining me, looking back now, I can see I was slowly slipping into a hole. I tried to put a brave face on but inside I was feeling quite sad, I put it down to hormones and got on with the holiday. About 6 weeks later, I received a letter from my ex-husband’s solicitor officially starti

Mental health is so confusing There are going to be a lot of acronyms flying around in this post, so please try to bear with me. So I had booked my lunchtime appointment with the CBT therapist (cognitive behavioural therapist) I was nervous and wasn’t sure what to expect. I had only told my boyfriend and the friend who had told me about CBT, I didn’t want anyone to know, I was quite embarrassed, I wasn’t mentally stable! The session was in an old fashioned building, hidden down a little side street in the City of London, I had to climb about 100 stairs, I was out of breath by the time I got to the first floor and all hot and flustered. I sat in the waiting area, half of me eager to rid myself of the craziness, the other half wanting to run out of the door and hide from it all. Then my therapist came out, she was lovely and put me at ease straight away. I explained that I thought I had OCD and why I thought that, I explained my temperament, the constant worrying and she told me th